I’m not sure how often others run into these issues. Especially those that fall more towards neuro-normative. But after a long day at work, I do not have the physical and/or mental capacity to do much. And it was even worse when I had to go into the office and spend all that time in the car.

Lately I’ve been wondering a lot how I limped by for so long. Especially when things as they are in the world (ah, COVID) have made work environments, among other things, so different.

Anyway, I guess all that to say that I really think I’m finally heading towards my burnout limit in the current state of the world. I just wish I knew how to manage it.

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

This is post 27/31 for Blaugust You can find out more and sign up over at Belghast’s post!

This originally started over with Mr. Peril, then found its way over to Krikket, and I personally yoinked it from Thyanel. I’m sure it’s been all over at this point, though! (I’m still catching up on all the wonderful posts folks have made, so I’m behind on actually seeing where else it’s been… yet!)

Like Krikket and Thyanel, I’m adding “for a year” to these so they’re less… long-term and possibly anxiety inducing at the thought of one-or-the-other. Regardless of the fact they’re a thought-experiment. Without further ado, let’s begin.

Would You Rather…

Play games only on console OR play games only on PC?

This is an easy one. The vast majority of my games are on PC, so I’d have a much wider selection of games to choose from without having to buy new ones.

Play only single player games OR play only multiplayer games?

Right now I’m playing multiplayer games as if they were single player games. So again, mostly an easy one. Though I’d need to find a different game to play with my bestie. Unless you count Animal Crossing as a multiplayer game?

Play only games you already own OR play only games you would need to still acquire?

Only games I own. I have no ultimate desire for anything coming out that I’d even be able to make the time to play.

Play only games that challenge you mentally OR play only games that challenge you physically?

This one hit a nerve. As someone who suffers both mental and physical health issues, I’d really like to choose neither. Games are a way for me to escape from physical pain, and emotional/mental drain the vast majority of the time.

Play only long/endless games OR play only games that are less than 20 hours long?

I guess the long/endless games? Because that’s mostly what I’m playing right now, anyway.

Play only games released in the last 10 years OR play only games released more than 10 years ago?

Okay, this one was the hard one. I had to google the release dates for the games I’m currently loving. They all fall into the first category—games released in the last ten years.

This is post 26/31 for Blaugust You can find out more and sign up over at Belghast’s post!

I’ve been trying to follow some social media posting/promotion and engagement advice provided by Amberly to grow my NSFW business, and have also been trying to apply it to my SFW content creation. However, after a few months of doing it for both accounts, it’s just… overwhelming, and not fun in the least.

I know that I should do more of it for my adult content, but I also don’t have the time and energy, and honestly… my SFW(ish) account is where my friends are. It was surprisingly tough to come to the conclusion of just… stop pushing myself.

I thought I might have more to say for this post, which is why it took me so long to get to, but I think it was more of just coming to terms with the fact I’m not going to be able to do everything while working a day job, and trying to focus on my content at the same time.

In the near future I might try to do more engagement on both accounts, but try not to make it such a forced task, and let myself be involved and interested in what my friends and acquaintances are doing. On both social media accounts.

Image by Thomas Ulrich from Pixabay

This is post 24/31 for Blaugust You can find out more and sign up over at Belghast’s post!

I switched from one host to another not too long ago, and I have been having nothing but issues with the host I switched to.

I’m contemplating switching hosts after next year if things don’t improve.

This time it was just so many issues with SSL certificates of all things.

But for the moment looks like things are sorted. Crossing my fingers it stays that way.

Image by Dok Sev from Pixabay

This is post 21/31 for Blaugust You can find out more and sign up over at Belghast’s post!

Fast forward to today, and it’s still clicking with me. In fact, before a depression period hit, I was ahead on blog posts because of this beauty of an addon!

It also helps a lot for catching up on content (as I publish this after the actual listed publish date…).

Now, as someone focusing on multiple types of content, do I find this to be a good end-all-be-all content calendar for me? Not at all. I still have to set up my weeks and month ahead of time in a journal to see what I need to attend to both for the content creation itself, as well as the back-end tasks.

But using this plug-in on both of my websites has helped save me a lot of anxiety and create more consistent content.

This is post 14/31 for Blaugust You can find out more and sign up over at Belghast’s post!

Back when I was contemplating what to do, I mentioned that I didn’t “feel like there’s an easy answer to what I should do”. But there really was an easy answer.

It just took me a few months to figure it out. I needed a website for my adult content creation anyway, so why the hesitation in writing about the nerdy NSFW stuff, too? Especially when I create some adult content geared towards gaming and nerdery anyway?

Granted, I have yet to move any of the draft posts over there, yet, nor write about any of them in detail, but it’s at least on the docket.

Image by Werner Moser from Pixabay

This is post 12/31 for Blaugust You can find out more and sign up over at Belghast’s post!

If you’ve been following my Twitter, you’ll know that, well, this post is actually back-posted for August 8.

I had most of the past week off, and I dealt with a lot of emotional things and decided to just… hide and relax. For like, the first time in a very long time. In as long as I can remember, anyway.

So, the past week ended up as a lot of half-written micro posts that I posted the following (Aug 9-13) week.

I’m also in my feels about the Blaugust Discord. I want to have the time to participate and hang out, but I just… don’t. Have the time that is. Working two jobs and looking at adding in streaming to the mix again is just daunting, and I don’t have the time to spend hanging out in tons of communities, much as I might want to. Which also messes with my motivation to blog some.

Though that’s a problem at large, honestly. There’s lots of streamers I enjoy, and I’d love to have the time and emotional capacity to spend more time socializing, but I just don’t.

This is post 8/31 for Blaugust You can find out more and sign up over at Belghast’s post!

It hit me hard, I’m not going to lie. But I’m feeling a smidge better (on the worst of days), so I’m back to blogging! I spent some time during this Panera moving my blogs to different hosting, playing with new domain name setups, dealing with viruses (that was a new one for me), and watching my blog continually blow up. And now it looks like any links in my site aren’t working correctly (I haven’t seen 404 errors on WordPress in a hot minute!) now that I have an SSL certificate on my site. After a quick look while writing this post though, it looks like it was just permalink issues. Phew! I like easy website fixes!

But anyway, it feels good to be back to blogging, even if I end up being the only one who reads it. Though, now that I’m understanding SEO way better to market my accounting website, I might dip into trying some SEO for this blog. Along with a facelift to fit some branding because…

In Other News

I’m also back to streaming this month. It’s something I didn’t want to stop, but I just… had to for my mental and physical health. And then the world went kablooie. I’m dipping back into it about a year after I stopped, and I’m excited to do so. But I’m going to take it slow. Work on my branding. Set up systems that work for me and will allow me to be more active in fostering a community. Commit myself to one day a week with a second floating day if I am feeling up to it. Dedicate myself to being more consistent with my content creation overall.

But speaking of branding? If you don’t know by now, I have an obsessive thing for caticorns, and I was leaning towards that being part of my brand. I just didn’t know how to go about it last year. I took the jump this year, though, and I’m excited to have everything the way I want it (for now).

Plus, aren’t they just hecking adorable?! Chrystals does some amazing work, and I’ve commissioned them for some more screens and panels as well to match! Somewhat related, just a quick plug that if you’d like to see behind-the-scenes content (like the sketches and line art for the aforementioned screens/panels), blog rough drafts, pet picture spam, and more you can check out my Fanhouse. Think of it like a single-tier Patreon, or an alternative to Ko-Fi! You can also get your first month for free with the code SOONTM.

DBD-Shaped Hole

During this whole world-upside-down thing, I picked up Dead by Daylight. And, well. It’s kind of become my new obsession (and only game) to be honest. I never thought I’d get into it, but I’m glad I have. I’ve found some great streamers to follow thanks to getting into the game, and it’s also a good way for me to try to balance relaxing and content and/or chores. While I still enjoy FFXIV, and have re-upped my subscription, it just didn’t give me the flexibility to easily put it down to tackle something. Yes, I could set timers and go back and forth, but it never feels right, y’know? Whereas there’s a clear-cut ending when a DBD match ends that I can get up and tackle whatever needs to be done for a few minutes before coming back to the computer and queueing for another match. Plus, while I’m waiting in queue I get to spend time working my way through whatever books I’m reading! I say it’s a win-win.

Hello! Welcome to Gamer Girl Confessions. For those that haven’t been here before, I’m Chestnut! I talk a bit about a lot of different nerdy things here, so I hope you find something that you connect with! I am today’s host for the Blaugust Promptapalooza, hosted by the ever-amazing Belghast. Today’s prompt is, “Tell us about a person(s) or thing(s) that has greatly influenced you.”

Before I get into my prompt, I want to give a quick shout out to Heather of Just Geeking By for sending everyone over here with her prompt. I also want to introduce tomorrow’s prompt-bearer: Syp! Syp’s blog, Bio Break, is something that has influenced me to try and be a better writer and blogger (look at me tying in the prompt!), so I am honored to be able to introduce such an amazing blog and human being to those who may not have had the luck of reading his content!

Also, a quick Content Warning before I tackle this prompt myself: This post discusses depression and may tackle the plethora of things that can go with it, including suicidal ideation. I am okay/safe, but depression and anxiety are two things I don’t shy away from discussing on this blog in an attempt to normalize a condition that many (including myself) deal with on a day-to-day basis. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don’t force yourself to continue reading.

Sailor Moon

I am a Moonie (see 4) for life. I thought I’d discussed this before in the blog, but upon some scrolling and searching, it seems I haven’t actually discussed this in length. So perhaps it is something that I’ve mentioned on Twitter in passing. Regardless Sailor Moon is something that has greatly influenced me, because Sailor Moon saved my life.

As a pre-teen, I had the unfortunate experience of discovering my anxiety and depression (genetics, man…), but not having the words to describe them, or the people in my life to try and listen to what I was going through to get me help. I didn’t know what to do with myself, or how to make it go away. But you learn early to pretend to be okay so that you blend in. I was in a bad spot, and I didn’t have many friends in school as the fat girl.

I found myself in a dark place, but something that drew me out of that was Sailor Moon. In a way, it became a sort of obsession (and has remained one, to a degree). But that’s only because it was something that made all that pain go away, even if only for the 20 or so minutes it was on the television. I timed my days around Sailor Moon, ensuring that I was up early enough before school to catch an episode, and that my homework was as complete as possible before it came on in the afternoons after school so that I wouldn’t get in too much trouble if I watched it.

I even role played as various characters online for years (and that’s in fact how I met one of my two best friends whom I’ve known over 20 years, now). As an adult, I still very much enjoy everything Sailor Moon. I won’t say goodbye to it, because it kept me alive as a pre-teen and teenager. That little bit of light of Sailor Moon in my day kept me from ending my life multiple times. So it will always remain a very big influence in my life.

I had other thoughts on things that have been big influences in my life. My journals, stickers, my internet friends (whom’ve helped me through some rough times in my life, and I again wouldn’t be here without them), but I think the overall biggest influence in my life really is Sailor Moon. So, I’m going to leave it at that.

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And show off my Sailor Moon ink, too, of course. It’s my first of many planned Sailor Moon inspired tattoos!

I’ve been having a lot of fun in FFXIV, which is surprising in a way based on how meh I’ve felt about the game until picking it up again. I can’t believe I’ve already hit 45! I expect that I’ll be through the majority of the base game MSQ by the time the new patch implements changes to it. Though I can’t find details on if Patch 2.1-2.55 MSQ will be affected by the newest patch. I’ve especially been enjoying the eye candy that is Cid. His voice could be deeper… but he’s still fun to look at.

No Cam Streams

I decided to try dabbling with a no-cam stream on my last stream. I’ve been having a rough time balancing my day job workload and my spoons. Day job has been draining them faster than usual as of late, and it’s made doing anything else day-to-day beyond difficult. To try and combat this, I decided to try streaming without cam because I truly wanted to stream… I just didn’t have the spoons to add that extra oomph that a cam requires.

I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Though I do still want to use my cam, I will probably do no-cam streams more often as day job continues to be draining. There’s only one solution to the draining, and it’s not one I can realistically pursue at this point in time (though I am trying hard to work my way to the point where I can).

Still Planner Obsessed

I’m still enjoying my planner stickers and the act of using them. They have been keeping me on track better than I expected, even weeks after the fact. Or months at this point, I suppose. I’m still catching up on my YouTube planner videos, however. Catching up as in, following the schedule I’d laid out for myself that didn’t take lack of spoons into account. But I’m slowly working my way into a better schedule. I’ll get to a place where I can put out content as I like eventually.

New Rig, Get

For those that don’t follow on Twitter, I finally replaced my ten year old computer with a new rig! I originally purchased my old rig in December 2010/January 2011 at Micro Center for approximately $500 USD. It was one of their store builds, and served me well for quite a long time. The newest components in the PC were a gaming card that I upgraded in November 2015, and the hard drives which got replaced last year.

I still need to put together a true list of what’s in my rig, but… I’m enjoying it so much! It’s a miracle to me to not have programs crash. To be able to publish content in under an hour. To not have the fan running constantly as fast as it can. I’m not sure how my computer held out as long as it did, but I’m grateful that it kept chugging. Now, however, I get to enjoy a pretty RGB computer with four hard drives!