Depression and Streaming

Depression and Streaming

When Depression Hits

I’ve never shied away from talking about how I suffer from depression and anxiety. I may not always get into full-blown details, but it has never been something that I hide. It has, however, been very intense the past month or so. Which in turn has been making it difficult to do even basic things. You may have seen me talk about “spoons” on Twitter (relating back to Spoon Theory). I honestly prefer “Spell Theory”, though, if I’m explaining it to my nerdier friends.

Well, on a typical weekday basis, I have a lot to do—get up for work, prep food for work, take care of the pets, get ready for work, go to work (possibly have multiple meetings), go home, take care of the pets… and then depending on the day, my evenings differ. I could have a LARP ST meeting, or pole class, or date night, or WoW raid (currently on hiatus, which helps). Then add in any chores that need to be taken care of, or a shower… you get the idea.

On a day when my depression is good (manageable), and I’ve filled my spell slots because I was able to sleep the night before, I can manage pretty much everything (maybe taking out some chores, or a shower), and then add in some streaming because I feel good, and enjoy streaming and interacting with folks.

But life has been stressful (car accident, multiple chronic health concerns, apartment flooding), and thus my already limited spell slots (I haven’t been sleeping well due to the other chronic health stuff) have been used up lickity-split on things from managing contact between car insurance and car loan, to just getting out of bed in the morning and getting to work. It’s to the point where I come home, take care of the pets, and take a nap so that I can try to function and tackle minor things.

I do think this week is starting to be a turn-around week, however, due to laying out some short-term future plans (planning moving to a new apartment, car accident management is almost done, doctor appointments have been made), and being able to manage my spoons a little bit better (sleep is starting to get better, slightly, slowly increasing my spoon count).

Schedule Going Forward


So what does that mean for streaming? Well, that means my schedule for the next few weeks will be up in the air. I will not be streaming this week (July 22-28). I do want to slowly get back on the wagon with streaming, however. So I’m going to be working at this by looking to stream one day a week to begin. The downside is that this day will be up in the air, and the game I’ll be playing will also be up in the air depending on where I’m at, and what I can manage.

Once I’ve conquered more real-world shenanigans (the car being settled, getting set to move and break my lease, going to doctor appointments), I’ll be able to do more of the follower giveaways, etc. that I’ve set up and haven’t gotten to due to the depression. I am going to wait, however, on setting up my web cam for streams, because I’ve already started packing some things up, and it was one of those things. That’ll finally get used in late-September, early-October (after moving).

I originally wanted to try a birthday stream (my birthday is next week) sometime in early-August, but there is no guarantees on anything, anymore. I will probably nix a birthday stream, and just do a long Halloween-themed stream instead, because it seems much more manageable after moving.

So, TL;DR? Keep an eye on Twitter, or join the Caticorn Palace Discord to keep up to date on streams, and just chat in general.

Pre-BfA Rush

Pre-BfA Rush

Hurry Hurry!

I did it. I ground stuff out and did things and stuff! And things. I’ve been kind of disenamored with WoW, as of late. Partially because depression makes it difficult to do anything but sit in front of Netflix, as of late, but also because I haven’t been enjoying alt raiding. Thus, I couldn’t really motivate myself in any sense to log in for a while. Which put me at a detriment when I tried grinding out a few things the two days prior to patch-day.

The Gold Queen put out a reminder about how Pet Tokens were changing, and that we should use them up before they were essentially dust. I didn’t actually know that was happening (I have a habit of not reading up on anything until changes happen because it’s all in so much flux and I don’t have the spoons to handle consistent changes in my games on top of managing life). So I rushed over to Dalaran, and talked to the fine ladies in the Menagerie. I picked up my mirror toy, and just bought a bunch of stones and bags to use up all of my tokens. So I guess I’ll get to do a bit of grinding out on pets when Squirt comes around, and use some stones, as well.

I also finally made it over to the Mage Tower on my main. I honestly don’t care much about alts, but I wanted the skin for my main spec (Prot), at the very least. It took me a few tries, though, despite trying it ages ago when it first released (to much failure). First try, haha. Well. It went extremely poorly. I forgot about only taking approximately 5-7 stacks (I had 10) and firmly faceplanted, even with an orb. The second try, I breezed through the first half and easily got to Kruul… where I got knocked off the platform (though I am unsure if it was by him or an add). The third time I had him down to 4%! But, look! An add! And no Intercept! Wheeeeee! Off the side I go again! The fourth time I was very confused. I got him down to 1%, and then thought I died. I was so absolutely angry. I was cursing and going on about not wanting to do it again (even though I knew I would), and then realized I’d rez’d in Dal. Wait. What? Why am I in Dal? Wait… did it say I got him in the quest? IT SAID I GOT HIM IN THE QUEST! So I trotted myself over to sexy Dadgar and handed it in and got my new (fairly ugly) mage tower skin. I called it quits on skins, after that. I rarely play DPS on Chestnaught because Blizzard has ruined trying to level alt-specs for me. And they also ruined playing alts for me (a thing I adored back in Wrath and Cataclysm before my five year hiatus), so I didn’t bother hopping on my Shaman or Hunter to grind those out.

Then I finally decided to get the last few First Aid achievements I needed. And can we just say that Field Medic was a pain in the butt… but bless all those parties that were going. And, honestly? Those parties made me feel a lot better about the WoW environment! I’ve spent a lot of time avoiding pugs of all sort this expansion because of some pretty poor experiences at the start (and then consistently getting kicking my under max level characters in every single Timewalk I tried…), but the Field Medic parties were pretty good. They were either completely silent outside of a “brb handing in”, or they were super chatty, wishing each other luck, joking about wishing drops could be traded, just generally chatting, etc. It was a nice backdrop while I watched Interview With a Vampire for the first time.

Meander a Bit

I’d been trying to work on grinding out some reps that were going away in the pre-patch, but I just haven’t had the time, for the reasons listed above. But, I still have a few things I’d like to finish before the end of the patch:

  • Level Chest-Dwarf to 60 (then boost to 110) for Double Agent achievement
  • Level Macadamia to 110 (towards Quintessential Quintet achievement—which puts me at 3/5 if I recall?)
  • Obtain flying in Draenor (so that I can level more alts for Quintessential Quintet)
    • Finish Nagrandeur achievement
    • Explore Shadowmoon Valley achievement
    • Explore Nagrand acheivement
    • Securing Draenor achievement
    • Revered with The Sabersatlkers
    • Revered with Order of the Awakened
    • Revered with Vol’in’s Headhunters
  • Level Arraign (Femcow Death Knight) to 110
  • Level ?? (probably Kaelari, the Femcow Paladin?) to 110

Yeah, there’s a theme there. I’d like all my Tauren ladies to be up and at max for the release of the expansion. So, we’ll see how far I get in a month…ish. So, those are my goals going forwards! What are you guys working on to finish out before BfA?

Streaming: Week of July 15

Streaming: Week of July 15

A new week means a new stream schedule! Last week, my depression hit me hard, so I didn’t particularly do much gaming in general. Today doesn’t feel much better on that front, but I’m hoping it evens out a bit for the week.

Due to not being able to stream due to health, I never did my 100 follower giveaway. So I plan on doing that on Sunday the 22nd @ 4:30PM EST/8:30PM GMT while I stream some more Life is Strange! The giveaway is for a $10 USD steam code giveaway. If you’d like to participate, you must be following my Twitch page, and you must be in chat at the time to enter the raffle.

For a change up this week, I’m going to be doing a little bit of WoW to dive into some of the few final things I want to grind out before BfA (before I’m no longer eligible).

Thank you to everybody who supports my streams and content in general. I appreciate all of you for understanding health comes first, and sticking with me through that. Y’all are such awesome people.

Blaugust Reborn (& Mini-Cast!)

Blaugust Reborn (& Mini-Cast!)

It’s Here!

Blaugust is back! I participated back in 2015 (my first year), and then again in 2016. I had a lot of fun both times I participated, and I’m glad that Bel brought it back after a hiatus last year. This time, Blaugust is a combination of the heart of Blaugust as a whole, as well as the former Newbie Blogger Initiative. All bloggers of all sorts (gaming, fashion, tech, food) are welcome to participate! If you’re interested, be sure to check out Bel’s post and sign up with the links he’s provided!

I signed up to participate again, this year—as a mentor. So what does that mean? Well, I’m still a full-fledged participant, but as Bel describes it, those that are mentors are more of the “camp counselors” that help to keep things running, answer questions, provide ideas, etc. I think it’s going to be a great turn out, this year. I’m also looking forward to the more structured format, which gave me an idea to try out something new…

Blaugust Reborn Mini-Cast

I want to try to put together a mini-podcast for the month (and a half) Blaugust is running. I’d like to get participants to send me short audio files answering some of the questions below. They can be expanded upon in a blog post, or not. But I wanted others to give advice, introduce themselves, etc. in a simple and digestible format. So, here’s what I was thinking! Folks that want to participate in the Mini-cast should:

  • Create a 10-20 minute audio clip answering a smattering of the below questions
  • Load the audio clip into a file-sharing location (Dropbox, Drive, etc.)
  • DM me in Discord (from the Blaugust discord) with the link to your audio file

I’ll announce here when I’ve the podcast set up, and will announce when the episodes go live in the Blaugust Reborn Discord. I still haven’t completely decided where I’m going to host it because I only need it for a month-ish, but at this point based on the limit most options offer, it will be either Spreaker or YouTube. Participating in this is completely optional, though I’d love it if participants would like to join in!

The Questions

All Participants

Please include in your audio file:

  • The pseudonym you go by
  • Your blog title
  • Why did you decide to get into blogging? What’s your “origin story”? (It can be as simple as, “a friend was doing it”, or “it sounded fun!”)
  • How long you’ve been blogging
  • Whether you’re a mentor-participant or general participant

Mentors

Please include in your audio file:

  • Why did you sign up as a mentor for Blaugust?
  • What do you hope to get out of Blaugust?
  • What is one (1) piece of advice you’d give to others for blogging? (It could be for completely new bloggers, folks returning to blogging, or veteran bloggers.)

General Participants

Please include in your audio file:

  • What do you hope to get out of Blaugust?
  • What are you looking forward to the most?
  • What are you looking forward to the least?
Streaming: Week of July 1st (+ Giveaway!)

Streaming: Week of July 1st (+ Giveaway!)

Another week, another stream schedule. This week is a few more days than usual due to some schedule changes. I’ve also added on Life is Strange this week. I had so much fun playing through Episode 1 on stream (June 30th), that I figured I’d make my way through Episode 2 this week!

I’m also celebrating 100 followers on Saturday around 7PM EST/11PM GMT on stream with a $10 USD steam code giveaway. If you’d like to participate, you must be following my Twitch page, and you must be in chat at the time to enter the raffle.

Thanks to everyone who’s come out to support me! I’ve been having so much more fun with streaming than I initially thought I would! Y’all rock!

E3 Thoughts: EA Play

E3 Thoughts: EA Play

I’ve slowly (excruciatingly so) been trying to catch up on E3 announcements, and document my thoughts on what each company has released. I know it’s a bit behind the times, but I’ve been super busy, and it’s taken me a while to catch up on all of them. I’m planning to do a series of these instead of all just in one post, because some of them started to get kind of long with my thoughts. I’m also going to be addressing it in more of a list format of thoughts than actual paragraphs because it was easiest for me to process that way as I watched them.

  • Battlefield V: I’ve never been interested in the IP at all (shooters aren’t my thing, typically), so I fast forwarded through this bit.
  • FIFA 19: Also not an IP I’ve ever been interested in. Sports in general have never been my cup of tea, so another fast forward.
  • Origin Access Premier: I mean, that’s cool that they’re releasing it for folks that would be interested in it, but I’ve never really been a fan of EA games outside of the Sims franchise, and I can get the few I might be interested in via other means. So it’s a subscription I’ll never go for. Also, it would require not having a backlog of 300+ games, and a “to-buy” list of at least 50.
  • Star Wars Battlefront II: Another IP I’m not interested in. Like I’ve already mentioned, not a fan of shooter-type games per se, and I’ve heard of the debacles in the first one (which, props to them for owning up to on the stage, I guess?). I mean, I thought it was pretty stinking cool the news about adding the Clone Wars, and Grievous, but again, I probably won’t ever play it unless I’m finagled into it by specific friends.
  • Unravel 2: I’ve never played the original, but it looks super cute! Except for the fact that it’s a platformer. And platformers are also not a thing I’m particularly fond of (though I do still want to give the first Ori game a try, so maybe that might change?). I do think it’s cool that it’s released already, though.
  • Sea of Solitude: I really want this. The concept is super interesting, and it feels very relevant to some personal stuff I’m working through in my life, right now. Though, I really do love narrative-heavy games, so it’s not a surprise to me that I’m interested in this, regardless of what the game play may be.
  • NBA Live 19: See FIFA 19.
  • MADDEN 19: See FIFA 19.
  • Command & Conquer: Rivals: I mean, I’m not particularly a big mobile games person (outside of a few mobile otome games… and PokemonGo). But I’m also not a RTS/tower-defense game person, either. They lose my interest very quickly.
  • Anthem: I like the use of Muse in the trailer. I’m a bit more interested in it because BioWare. Overall it sounds neat, but uh, is there romance? If not, I don’t know how keen I am to pick it up. But my big question is: would I be able to effectively play this the way I like to play story games? Is this sorta like Destiny? Can I effectively play this solo? I still have far too many questions to make a judgement, to be fair. Though I will definitely keep my eyes out. Also, who does the voice acting for Owen? Sounds familiar… (Props for the announcement of no loot boxes!)
Streaming: Week of June 24

Streaming: Week of June 24

Stream schedule for the week! My schedule has changed some during the week with extracurriculars, so I’ve had to do a bit of fiddling with my schedule. I still don’t have a schedule that is set in stone, yet, but I do hope these weekly schedules help folks out in the meantime. Be sure to follow Twitter for updates and the like!

I’m also getting close to 100 Twitch followers, so I plan to do a giveaway of a $10 USD Steam gift card (on stream, followers only) and set up my cam as the 100 follower goal. Let’s see if I can reach 100 by the end of the month!

Returning to FFXIV

Returning to FFXIV

Dipping in the Toes

A few weeks ago now, I decided to try picking up FFXIV again. I’ve been looking for more games to play with Manthing and some specific friends, and figured FFXIV might be a good choice, even though none of them were playing at the time. I’ve also been watching Tua and Aeyvi stream FFXIV quite recently, and have thoroughly enjoyed watching them, so I figured I’d give it another try.

Deciding what server to roll up on, and what class to choose to start (I’ll level them all eventually!) was the hard part, though. Do I go back to Cactuar because that’s where my main is? I didn’t really remember much of the story to that point, or where I was in levels, or what I was doing, so that kind of turned me off to going back to Magnolia Chestnut. I also have some memories on that toon I don’t particularly care to rehash at this point in time (maybe in the future I’ll feel more strongly that I can work through them and go play her every so often to hang out with the Bel Effect crew), so that also swayed me on not picking her back up right now, though I would like to eventually pop over there every so often in the future.

I decided to just roll up a new toon on Famfrit to play with the folks I wanted to play with. I was originally contemplating starting with a healer of some sort, and trying Astrologian since I hadn’t tried it yet, but Ainyan rolls as a main heals, so I figured I’d let her continue doing that, and I’d DPS for a change (WHAT? CHESTNUT ISN’T A TANK?! Yep. Not right now!). So I rolled up an Archer because my favorite D&D character to play is a Bard.

Full Dive

Thus, Chestnut Firefly was born. I’ve been streaming my adventures in FFXIV, and it’s a lot of fun. I’m enjoying Archer way more than I thought I would. And even though Fishing has been calling my name (because Fishing is the best!), I’ve been trying to focus on just doing Archer right now. Why so?

Well, on one of my streams, I saw a Bard playing music. I thought that was pretty dang cool! And then lo and behold, Rakuno let me know that they added in that folks playing Bards could play multiple instruments and even play the instruments manually instead of just using pre-written melodies. SOLD! That’s currently my motivation for sticking with Archer/Bard as much as possible, though I do know that I’ll need to roll up the secondary class eventually for skills once I get my Bard job, but that’s another thing to figure out at another time. For now, I’m just enjoying standing in the back and smashing things.

Streaming: Week of June 3

Streaming: Week of June 3

A quick post to update my streaming schedule for the week! It’s a short streaming week because I have a lot going on IRL this week.

And don’t worry, I’m back to actually blogging, soon. The computer issues I’ve been having, plus a lot going on have made it a bit overwhelming to do much of anything other than turn on SLOBS while I do some gaming.

I’ve missed writing stuff out, so I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. I have a bunch of draft posts to poke at this week, so keep an eye here or on Twitter to see when I update.