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Nerding Goals September 2020

Nerding Goals September 2020

August Recap

I pared down my August goals to try and be more focused in tackling them, so let’s see what I accomplished!

  • WHM to 50 (FFXIV)
  • Complete updated base game MSQ (FFXIV)

I’m less than 50% away from dinging 50 on WHM, though I haven’t had the time or energy to do a lot of gaming as of late. Some of that is changes at work, and some of that is just trying to work my way through depressive episodes. I just don’t have a lot of desire to game during the work-week due to how my days have been going so far, but I’m going to try to carve out a bit more time for myself on the weekends to sit and play, some. I am hoping to finish these in September!

  • Complete three more books for the month (total: 7) (Reading) Check!

I accomplished this! I think I’m more surprised that I finished this than I thought I would be when I set the goal. I’m not sure if seven books is a goal I can keep up with, but I definitely want to try to read a book a week going forward. We’ll see if it’s attainable as I continue.

  • Complete Season 5 of Stargate Atlantis (TV)
  • Start Season 1 of Stargate Universe (TV)

I had honestly intended to watch these this month, but then I got caught up in Outlander and reading. So they’ll probably roll over to this coming month, as I really don’t want to bring these with me into 2021 like so many other series I never finished despite wanting to.

September Goals

Pared down worked for me last month, but I don’t know if I want to keep them that way going forward, or beef them up a little bit. So for now I’ll keep them pared down and see how I progress. I did consider picking up a game for the Community Game-Along this month, but I’m not sure that the theme appeals to me. I will be participating in October’s theme, however!!

  • WHM to 55 (FFXIV)
  • Complete updated base game MSQ (FFXIV)
  • Start Heavensward (FFXIV)
  • Complete four books for the month (Reading)
  • Complete Season 5 of Stargate Atlantis (TV)
  • Complete Seasons 1 and 2 of Stargate Universe (TV)
Nerding Goals August 2020

Nerding Goals August 2020

July Recap

I set some goals for July, but I honestly didn’t glance at them much during the month, so I’m not sure if I completed many. Let’s find out together!

  • WHM to 45 (FFXIV) Check!
  • Complete MSQ through level 45 (FFXIV) Check?

I definitely hit my goal of getting to 45! And I think I was in story quests that were level 45? I know that with the big patch earlier this week everything has changed with MSQ for base game, so I’ve yet to dip back in to check where I was.

  • Complete How I Made $10K as a PSO (Reading/Business) Check!
  • Complete Don’t Keep Your Day Job (Reading/Business)
  • Get halfway through A Song of Wraiths and Ruin (Reading)
  • Complete Sunstone Vol. 2 (Comics)

I had a lot of reading goals for July that I seem to mostly have accomplished in August. I completed the first goal in July, but I didn’t complete Sunstone Volume 2 and A Song of Wraiths and Ruin until earlier this month. In fact, I’ve already read four books this month, which is the most I’ve read this year so far. I’m still working my way through Don’t Keep Your Day Job, but I think it’s going to be a slower read as I thoughtfully work through the prompts in each chapter.

  • Complete Warrior Nun (TV) Check! 
  • Complete Season 7 of Star Wars: Clone Wars (TV)
  • Complete Season 5 of Stargate Atlantis (TV)
  • Start Season 1 of Stargate Universe (TV)

Unfortunately, I haven’t completed any of these except zooming through Warrior Nun. Not for lack of wanting to. More for lack of losing access to Stargate (it left Prime before I finished it) and Clone Wars (when we built my new rig, I lost access to Disney+ because I’m using Manthing’s login). I very much want to finish both, but I just got access to Manthing’s Hulu (which has Stargate), and I need access to Disney+ again.

Overall, not too shabby on goals, so let’s see what I can accomplish for the remaining 16 days of the month!

August Goals

These are a bit pared down compared to what I would normally choose as goals, mainly because I only have 16 days left in the month. Let’s do this!

  • WHM to 50 (FFXIV)
  • Complete updated base game MSQ (FFXIV)
  • Complete three more books for the month (total: 7) (Reading)
  • Complete Season 5 of Stargate Atlantis (TV)
  • Start Season 1 of Stargate Universe (TV)
Weekend Odds and Ends

Weekend Odds and Ends

Ding 45!

Yes, Daddy Cid.

I’ve been having a lot of fun in FFXIV, which is surprising in a way based on how meh I’ve felt about the game until picking it up again. I can’t believe I’ve already hit 45! I expect that I’ll be through the majority of the base game MSQ by the time the new patch implements changes to it. Though I can’t find details on if Patch 2.1-2.55 MSQ will be affected by the newest patch. I’ve especially been enjoying the eye candy that is Cid. His voice could be deeper… but he’s still fun to look at.

No Cam Streams

I decided to try dabbling with a no-cam stream on my last stream. I’ve been having a rough time balancing my day job workload and my spoons. Day job has been draining them faster than usual as of late, and it’s made doing anything else day-to-day beyond difficult. To try and combat this, I decided to try streaming without cam because I truly wanted to stream… I just didn’t have the spoons to add that extra oomph that a cam requires.

I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Though I do still want to use my cam, I will probably do no-cam streams more often as day job continues to be draining. There’s only one solution to the draining, and it’s not one I can realistically pursue at this point in time (though I am trying hard to work my way to the point where I can).

Still Planner Obsessed

I’m still enjoying my planner stickers and the act of using them. They have been keeping me on track better than I expected, even weeks after the fact. Or months at this point, I suppose. I’m still catching up on my YouTube planner videos, however. Catching up as in, following the schedule I’d laid out for myself that didn’t take lack of spoons into account. But I’m slowly working my way into a better schedule. I’ll get to a place where I can put out content as I like eventually.

New Rig, Get

For those that don’t follow on Twitter, I finally replaced my ten year old computer with a new rig! I originally purchased my old rig in December 2010/January 2011 at Micro Center for approximately $500 USD. It was one of their store builds, and served me well for quite a long time. The newest components in the PC were a gaming card that I upgraded in November 2015, and the hard drives which got replaced last year.

I still need to put together a true list of what’s in my rig, but… I’m enjoying it so much! It’s a miracle to me to not have programs crash. To be able to publish content in under an hour. To not have the fan running constantly as fast as it can. I’m not sure how my computer held out as long as it did, but I’m grateful that it kept chugging. Now, however, I get to enjoy a pretty RGB computer with four hard drives!

Nerding Goals July 2020

Nerding Goals July 2020

May/June Recap

I set up some May goals that seemed like I would manage most of them. I didn’t manage many, however, due to changes in the world and my own changes in game interests.

  • Inventory Management (ESO) Check!
  • Pick up the last items I need for learning crafting traits (ESO)
  • Do a few quests in Grahtwood (ESO)

I worked through my inventory management and tackled that, but I also realized that ESO really isn’t what I’m enjoying right now, as much as I may want to. So I’ll likely be putting ESO goals on the back burner for now, even if I do happen to log in and play some this month.

  • Finish Phoenix Wright: Justice for All (Visual Novel)
  • Play Muse Dash (Community Game-Along) Check!

I played quite a bit of Muse Dash, and have enjoyed myself greatly. However, I never did write about my thoughts on the game for the Community Game-Along. I’m not currently playing Muse Dash, but I do still have it installed because I will never say no to a game that works out well for depression days, or nights when I just need to unwind with mindless entertainment. I don’t think I’m going to participate in the Community Game-Along this month, as it’s JRPGJuly, and I don’t have the mental bandwidth to pick up an RPG right now (unless FFXIV counts!).

As for Phoenix Wright? Well, I saw that all of the games are available as a bundle on Steam, and well. I unfortunately missed the sale for the bundle. However, since I now know they’re on Steam, I’d rather play them there for ease-of-play, if I’m being honest. So I’m holding out for another sale on the series. For now, however, it’s coming off of my goals list.

  • Complete Vol. 2 and Vol. 3 of Sunstone (Comics)
  • Complete The Lesser Kindred (Reading) Check!
  • Start Redeeming the Lost (Reading) Check!
  • Complete one of the two books I am reading for my business (Reading)

I have yet to pick up anymore Sunstone, but I flew through both The Lesser Kindred and Redeeming the Lost. Business books got nowhere, but I think that’s partly because I didn’t call out which one I wanted to focus on, and partly due to the world environment making things feel pointless.

  • Complete Season 5 of Star Wars: Clone Wars Check!
  • Complete Season 10 of Stargate SG-1 Check!
  • Complete Season 3 of Stargate Atlantis Check!

I finished both season 5 and 6 of Star Wars: Clone Wars, but I’ve yet to start season 7, which I addressed briefly in my last post. I also completed season 10 of Stargate SG-1, the two Stargate movies, as well as seasons 3 and 4 of Stargate Atlantis. I am looking forward to finishing Atlantis out, but I also don’t want it to end. Overall, I didn’t do too badly on my goals over the two months I worked on them.

July Goals

  • WHM to 45 (FFXIV)
  • Complete MSQ through level 45 (FFXIV)
  • Complete How I Made $10K as a PSO (Reading/Business)
  • Complete Don’t Keep Your Day Job (Reading/Business)
  • Get halfway through A Song of Wraiths and Ruin (Reading)
  • Complete Sunstone Vol. 2 (Comics)
  • Complete Warrior Nun (TV)
  • Complete Season 7 of Star Wars: Clone Wars (TV)
  • Complete Season 5 of Stargate Atlantis (TV)
  • Start Season 1 of Stargate Universe (TV)
Currently Nerding May/June 2020

Currently Nerding May/June 2020

Belated Nerding

While July has officially started, I’ve been afk from much of social media and blogging just due to, well… *gestures at the world* and it’s effect on my mental (and physical) health. So I just wanted to do a quick recap of things I nerded out over the past two months to not only just talk about some fun things, but also get my blogging fingers working again after some time off to take care of myself.

Monster Prom

I spent quite a bit of time during May talking about my time playing in Monster Prom. I even dabbled in it some during June. But I kind of left it by the wayside for some unknown reason. I think because I got into a, “nothing is bringing me joy because STRESS” mode for so long. I’m thinking of picking it up again this weekend (since I shouldn’t have to work, and I’m feeling less ill) just to get in some laughs and try to work my way through the achievements. I adore this game, and I’m very much looking forward to nerding out over it even more!

Clone Wars

I finished out season 6 of Clone Wars these past two months, but I have yet to pick up season seven. Partly due to the “ohgodstress” mindset, partly due to the fact that I know season 7 is the last season and I don’t want it to end, and partly because I got caught up in a binge of something else…

Stargate

(Fan trailer may contain spoilers) Oh man, I’ve about finished the Stargate chronology and I am both sad and excited. I made it through all of Stargate SG-1 (including the two movies), and am on the final season of Stargate Atlantis, which just leaves me with Stargate Universe afterwards. I’m not sure what series to pick up next for binging after I finish Stargate. I’m open to suggestions of similar shows, though! Maybe Babylon 5. Or Farscape! I never finished Farscape, and it’d be cool to keep with two of the SG-1 season 10 characters.

Animal Crossing

Spending time at Jae’s place!

After finally managing to get a Switch, I dove head first into Animal Crossing. I’m still figuring out how things work, and slowly working my way through upgrading my house and getting neighbors, but I’m having so much fun, and have appreciated hanging out with one of my best friends, and getting some help and hangout time with Jae, which I appreciated so very much. I hope to be able to play some more with others as I continue to get into Animal Crossing. I very much love the fishing, bug hunting, and just picking up sea shells (and giving everything I can to the museum!).

Planner Stickers

It may come as no surprise (after mentioning this was becoming a thing back in May) that I have become utterly obsessed with planner stickers. I think it brings me back to a time when I was allowed to like stickers as a kid. Liking them as an adult is kind of a thing people look at you weirdly for, so finding this world of stickers that also help to keep me functioning has been a blessing, to be honest. It’s a creative outlet that I’ve much needed. I still get to collect and play with stickers, but it also gives me a visual of what I need/want to do so that I stay focused on tasks and feel much less stressed out about it.

I use my planner quite functionally, and pair it with my bullet journal so that the two together are a schedule and plan of what I need/want to accomplish each day. The month or so I’ve been doing this, has been quite helpful in helping to calm my mind. Especially after changing up my bullet journal style (for the second time this year) to allow myself more freedom to write and be creative and journal and put down stickers that I’m also using for the week in my planner.

FFXIV

I’m a goth fae queen. For the first time in my whole time playing FFXIV I hit the Mogstation…

I called it when I wrote about bouncing off of ESO. While I am still paying for a subscription, I haven’t really logged in (though I might want to do so for daily rewards this month…). I very much want to play it, but I don’t feel like I have the time or patience to do so right now. Instead, I have found myself diving into FFXIV once again. This time, I think it’s sticking more than it has before because I’ve been gaming some with the polycule.

Manthing and I either level some classes together (ARC/NIN), or we sit in Discord and play our own things. It also helps just being around the polycule as a whole even if I don’t get to play much with them. I’m still trying to figure my way around the FC, as I’m very much feeling an outsider right now, but I’m still enjoying my time playing mostly solo. I’ve been leveling my White Mage, and have been enjoying my time quite a bit.

I forgot how much I’ve loved healing. I haven’t healed in a very long time due to the fact that ex was always the healer, and I was always the tank. It feels comfortable, and has a more rhythmic flow to me than DPS does. Though, to be honest, I am very much looking forward to leveling Dancer, eventually!

Unintended Self-Discovery

Unintended Self-Discovery

Discord Overwhelm

Telwyn of GamingSF had some thoughts on Discord at the start of the month that resonated pretty strongly with me.

I just find I haven’t established a useful relationship with how Discord is used. I currently belong to five different community servers (including Blaugust, two MMO-related ones and two tabletop rpg ones). I rarely keep up with even the “main chat” of any of them, let alone the 5-10 other topic specific channels that *each* community has. Using Discord feels like being hosed down with content every time I open the app.

I very much feel the same. Every time I open Discord, I am inundated. And while I can ignore it for a while, it just gets overwhelming. I’m still going to try to get better at using Discord, however. It’s the main tool friends like to use to communicate. And I feel at a distance from some of my favorite folks in Moogle’s Pom Tavern because I am just not sure how to catch up, or keep up. I think part of my problem is being in a bunch of servers I’m not actually participating in, and even though I’ve muted them, I can still see the little badge letting me know there’s things there for me to read.

I don’t want to leave some of these muted servers for various reasons (though I’ll happily leave others), so I’m unsure what to do about the dreaded unread notification dot in-app. Regardless, I’d very much like to figure something out so I can be a part of the communities I’d like to enjoy with friends, and maybe one day be able to effectively run my own community without much anxiety.

Bitten by the FFXIV Bug

I’ve been bitten by the FFXIV bug, but I’ve yet to succumb to the itch. Both Belghast and Sandrian have mentioned the Moogle Treasure Trove, which is of interest to me as a collector, but I also know that I’m nowhere near high enough level on any classes to do much of anything. Which I think is what’s keeping the bug at bay. Plus, let’s be honest, I really don’t have a core group of folks to play with.

Which, to be fair, is an issue I have with all games right now. Since my divorce, MMOs have just seemed far less enjoyable (I had a live-in gaming partner after all). And Manthing and I are never bitten by the same MMO bug at the same time, either. And I just feel so very shy with trying to engage with a group of folks I don’t know in MMOs. In ESO, I’m pretty silent. I ignore the chat of one of my guilds completely, and only really chat in the other one when Eldan Monster is online.

In honesty, I think this kind of ties back to Discord, as well. I think the past few years I’ve just been struggling to make friends, and interact with the ones I do have. And I have the same problem whether it’s Discord or a game (or even real life)—I end up feeling overwhelmed, and then I hide and distance myself from the friends I do have, and don’t let myself make new ones.

Woof! We’re really doing some tough self-discovery in this post today, aren’t we?

I’m not sure how to begin to fix this problem. I know the “easy” solution is to just… stop distancing myself and talk to others. But that’s a big struggle right now, and I can’t think of any other solutions quite yet.

November ’19 Gaming Goals

November ’19 Gaming Goals

September/October Recap

September and October ended up being a bit of a… rough few months this year, much like it was last year. So I haven’t done much gaming for a plethora of reasons, including but not limited to depression, emergency pet health, and my own physical health. As such, I didn’t particularly meet many of my September goals between the two months.

  • Hit CP 150 on Warden (ESO) – As of the end of October, I’m at 190 CP. Which is probably much slower going than many other folks I know, but I’m surprised I’ve gotten this far with as casually as I’ve been playing.
  • Ding level 50 on Conjurer (FFXIV) – For now I’ve cancelled my FFXIV subscription. I logged in twice over the course of September, and not at all during October. I very much want to get back to it, but do not have the mental capacity to handle more than one game right now.
  • Finish Auridon (ESO) – I surprisingly managed to complete this at the start of October. Grahtwood is another story, however.
  • Finish Grahtwood (ESO) – I am nowhere near finishing this. I have barely started it due to not having the capacity to do so. Depression is a bitch.
  • Finish City of the Sun God (SWL) – Once again, I am nowhere near finishing this. I haven’t logged into the game in almost two months.
  • Finish side missions in Blue Mountains (SWL) – I think I’ve finished this one? I’d have to log in to check, so we’ll leave it as unfinished for now.
  • Finish next route in Sweet Fuse (Otome) – I didn’t even open my Vita case the past two months.
  • Figure out a game for #SportSeptember and play it (Community Game-Along) – Again, with a lack of energy to be able to handle even the games I want to play, I did not make it to the Community Game-Along.

November Goals

  • Hit CP 215 on Warden (ESO)
  • Finish Grahtwood (ESO)
  • Finish Witches Festival quest (ESO)
  • Finish next two routes in Sweet Fuse (Otome/Community Game-Along)
This post is a part of IntPiPoMo! You can find out more about IntPiPoMo and find the sign up form at this post. IntPiPoMo Count: 1/50
September ’19 Gaming Goals

September ’19 Gaming Goals

This post is (31/31) of the Blaugust 2019 event! You can find out more about Blaugust over at Belghast’s blog. I (Chestnut) created a Twitter list of all participants. UltrViolet created an OPML file of all the bloggers to import into your feed reader.

August Recap

Setting up goals as a more focused month-based list rather than, “here’s what I wanna do soon!” has definintely made a difference in how I use my playtime, or how I decide not to game at all. And I think it helped a lot with the way work has been, and looks to be continuing for the remainder of 2019.

  • Complete Vvardenfell Master Angler (ESO) – I had intentions to finish this, but then dinged 50 and got caught up in quests and CP.
  • Ding 42 on Warden (ESO) – I surpassed this! I hit 50! Once I hit 40, I got into the “OMG I’M SO CLOSE MUST DING” mindset, which helped.
  • Hit Revered with The Unshackled (WoW) – About freaking time. UGH. I hate Nazjatar with a passion.
  • Hit Revered with Rustbolt Resistance (WoW) – I’m super close. I should hopefully have it in another day (possibly two if things don’t go my way after daily reset).
  • Ding level 30 on Conjurer (FFXIV) – I didn’t even think I’d hit 30, but I ended up dinging 35!
  • Start re-watching MSQ cutscenes (FFXIV) – I didn’t do any of this, because I mainly logged in for roulettes. I figure once I hit 50, I’ll re-watch them to continue where I’d left off before quitting.
  • Finish a play though of Detroit: Become Human (PS4) – I honestly didn’t touch my PS4 at all for the month, except to watch Detective Pikachu.

September Goals

  • Hit CP 150 on Warden (ESO)
  • Ding level 50 on Conjurer (FFXIV)
  • Finish Auridon (ESO)
  • Finish Grahtwood (ESO)
  • Finish City of the Sun God (SWL)
  • Finish side missions in Blue Mountains (SWL)
  • Finish next route in Sweet Fuse (Otome)
  • Figure out a game for #SportSeptember and play it (Community Game-Along)
Long Term FFXIV Goals, Updated

Long Term FFXIV Goals, Updated

This post is (30/31) of the Blaugust 2019 event! You can find out more about Blaugust over at Belghast’s blog. I (Chestnut) created a Twitter list of all participants. UltrViolet created an OPML file of all the bloggers to import into your feed reader.

I originally put together a list in 2015 of what I wanted to pursue in FFXIV, but the game has changed so much (no more cross-classing, new jobs) that I wanted to do an update to streamline the list for what I hope to get done in the next six months. That, and plan out what I wanted to do as I dive back into the game since life circumstances have changed a bunch since last playing, too.

I’ve decided to change from maining a Warrior to maining White Mage (though I’m still a Conjurer), especially for the instant queues, but I plan to switch between White Mage and Dancer when I’m able to pick it up. I’m thinking I can do questing as a Dancer, and queues as White Mage.

I’m not sure I’ll get to everything on the list in six months, but it doesn’t hurt to set up an idea of a progression path.

I’m a determined Roe!

Disciples of War/Magic

  • White Mage 60
  • Pick up Dancer
  • White Mage 80 (simultaneously with Dancer)
  • Dancer 80 (simultaneously with White Mage)
  • Paladin 50
  • Bard 50
  • Dark Knight 50
  • Scholar 50
  • Summoner 50

Disciples of Land/Hand

  • Fisher 80
  • Botanist 80
  • Miner 80
  • Culinarian 50
  • Alchemist 25
  • Weaver 25
  • Leatherworker 25
  • Goldsmith 25
  • Armorer 25
  • Blacksmith 25
  • Carpenter 25
Healing Through Healing

Healing Through Healing

This post is (11/31) of the Blaugust 2019 event! You can find out more about Blaugust over at Belghast’s blog. I (Chestnut) created a Twitter list of all participants. UltrViolet created an OPML file of all the bloggers to import into your feed reader.

Getting to Know All About You

This past week was “Get to Know You” week for Blaugust. Bel’s description proposed,

“Tell us about you and your preferences as a gamer or whatever it is you happen to like doing. This is the time to dip into the well of stories and tell us something interesting that has either happened to you or something about your specific footing in your real or digital life.”

I’m a fairly open book both here on the blog and even moreso on Twitter. So it’s been difficult (not including the depression) to suss out a topic to write for the week. I don’t mind questionnaires, and I know I have another one I’m tagged in by Bel that I have yet to answer, but that didn’t feel fully “right” as a way to talk about myself.

Honestly, I didn’t think I’d have a post for the theme until I was logging off FFXIV and crawling into bed last night. And then it hit me: talk about healing through, well, healing.

A Short History

CW: This section includes brief mention of abuse.

If you’ve been following me on Twitter for a while (even from before I moved Twitter accounts), or have stumbled upon old blog posts, you probably know that I was married, and divorced. I moved down to Georgia in my early 20s for grad school (I’m looking at you, Great Recession) because I couldn’t find a job teaching. In my first year here I ended up meeting a guy, and falling for him.

I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty details. It follows a somewhat predictable story. After three and a half years of dating, we got married.  And about three and a half years later, we separated at my request. Seven months later it was an official divorce. That’s the part most folks know. The part they don’t is that he was abusive.

It’s not easy to see in the moment when you’re being abused. It’s definitely something that you deny, and make excuses for. It’s something that people don’t believe because the abuser is so charming. I was lucky that I was able to recognize and rationalize what was happening to me when he was away on a work trip. I was lucky that I was able to get out the first time I said I was going to leave.

Healing Through Healing

There’s little things people take for granted doing with a partner—watching movies together, going to events together, hanging out with mutual friends together, gaming together—you get the idea. The one that’s hit me the hardest is the number of hours we gamed together.

I still can’t bring myself to log into my old WoW main, for instance, for more than a half hour tops. Enough to do whatever the current event tokens are if I qualify at level. Spending more time on her causes panic attacks because of the memories attached to her that are still so strong.

Final Fantasy XIV was another one. We spent many hours together leveling on our characters on Cactuar. I would tank, he would heal, and two of our mutual friends would dps.

When I decided I wanted to go back to FFXIV to give it another try back in April, I waffled about rolling a new character or going back to the one I’d spent so much time on with him. At the time, I decided to roll a new character. But in the two months I had an active subscription, I didn’t play her much. I had difficulty getting into her, and starting over when my main was sitting there.

I tried logging in once to my main and couldn’t do it. A panic attack ensued and I decided to cancel my subscription, writing it off to, “just not into it right now!”. But as I’ve been playing more ESO, I’ve felt the call for more fantasy gaming, and meandered back to FFXIV, again. I decided to just bite the bullet and play my old main, come July. I only logged in once or twice. Enough to decide on playing CNJ/WHM as my new main class (until I can get Dancer, of course), and get her gear set up.

It wasn’t until the past two weeks that I really dove in head first. It started with feeling bored with any game I opened. So I opened FFXIV. And all I did was one dungeon roulette. But it felt… okay. I couldn’t manage more than that. I could feel a panic attack coming on. But I’d had so much fun in that fifteen minutes I spent in that dungeon. So I logged in again the next night. And the night after that. Playing a bit more every time. Five minutes extra here. Five more there.

And I realized, last night, after I spent almost two hours in game after only, “logging on for a little bit”, that spending the time healing in roulettes was a way of confronting a lot of my fears and triggers and pushing through them… whether that makes sense to anybody but me is another story.

There’s still a lot more healing I need to do for myself. And some might argue some wounds will never fully heal, but bit by bit, reclaiming my character and having her heal her way through leveling has given me a chance to heal IRL a little bit as well.